Notes app inner demon #3

It's going to be a beautiful, chaotic summer.

Maybe it's too soon for summer mania but the heat in New York is definitely messing with people's heads. It's like we all spent too much time inside this winter (it was a particularly tough one) and now we don't know how to cope with the promise of friends, opportunity, endless sun. I'm not pointing fingers. I cried yesterday because I handled a situation poorly or rather didnt know how to handle it so i just bailed. My therapist told me to say "no" more but I'm having a hard time with it. I like showing up for my friends.

But the spring spiral isn't about me. It's a communal meltdown. A confused combination of love, in excess, mixed with Real Housewives-level finger pointing, policing, friends not liking other friend’s behaviors. Booze helps this, but so does months of introversion. It's how people act when the relationships they've been dealing with most are the ones on TV. It’s the adrenaline hit you get wondering if someone's mad at you, or if you called someone out and shouldn't have or wanted to but didn't or got too fucked up in-front of the guy you wanted to fuck. People are still only thinking about themselves but in the context of each other. Isn't community so special?

Last night I bitched out some boys I barely know but i also wore a shirt that says "SORRY." What I mean is whatever shame-over, resentment, ego trip or downward spiral you woke up with this morning should be forgiven. Tell your friends you love them. Book that Jersey Shore vacation. It's going to be a beautiful, chaotic summer.